
Hi All,
I'm starting this thread to facilitate the short story we were working on today.
I'm going to investigate the possibility of other people being able to blog here. In other words, you won't have to wait for me to start a thread but simply start one whenever you feel like it.
In meantime, this is for Meabh, who very kindly volunteered to write up the story and post it here.
Let's see where it goes when Mr Byrne enters the pet shop....
Update
Okay, I've worked it out. I can invite up to 100 people to blog! I've added six names so far: Aisling, Cian, Gráinne, Holly, Katie Irwin and Meabh.
Why those six, you may ask? Because theirs were the only email addresses I had on file. If you want to be included feel free to mail me.
Don't for heaven's sake post your email addy to this blog! If you do, you risk being spammed :0(
Update 2
I'm posting this on Meabh's behalf. She mailed me to say she had difficulty posting.
Feel free to copy/paste what follows and add your own line or lines to it!
We need a title too, perhaps something with "dogs" or "pets". I've suggested "Going to the Dogs".
* * *
"What would you like for your birthday?"
"A puppy!" Tom and Jackie exclaimed as one.
"What kind of puppy?" their Dad asked.
"A flying puppy," Tom said hopefully.
It was a warm summer's day. Their birthday was approaching. Despite the fact that their births were a year apart, their birthday fell on the same day. Tom was eight now and Jackie was nine.
Their faces resembled each other's: cinnamon eyes, long eyelashes and hair the colour of Sumatran teak.
Mr. Byrne laughed.
"Don't be silly, Tom, dogs can't fly."
"Ah, that's where you're wrong, Dad," piped up Jackie. "We saw one in the pet shop on O'Niels Street."
Mr. Byrne scratched his beard in puzzlement. As far as he knew, no pet shop existed in this town. He walked up O'Niels Street every day on his way to the office, and he could not recall ever seeing a pet shop.
"We'll see," he said, preparing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
"We'll ask Mam then," they said.
Mr. Byrne turned into O'Niels Street, taking his usual route to work.
There was an alley halfway down the street. He happened to glance into it. Two doors down he saw a sign: "Zarcalambar's Exotic Pets". He stopped in his tracks.
"That's odd," he said to himself. "The kids were right: there is a pet shop here."
Mr. Byrne looked at his watch. He was early. He decided he had enough time to investigate.
He ventured down to the shop. To his mild surprise, there was no window display, but a thick red velvet curtain completely drawn. He pressed it. Somewhere inside, an old-fashioned bell tolled...
Going to the Dogs
"What would you like for your birthday?"
"A puppy!" Tom and Jackie exclaimed as one.
"What kind of puppy?" their Dad asked.
"A flying puppy," Tom said hopefully.
It was a warm summer's day. Their birthday was approaching. Despite the fact that their births were a year apart, their birthday fell on the same day. Tom was eight now and Jackie was nine.
Their faces resembled each other's: cinnamon eyes, long eyelashes and hair the colour of Sumatran teak.
Mr. Byrne laughed.
"Don't be silly, Tom, dogs can't fly."
"Ah, that's where you're wrong, Dad," piped up Jackie. "We saw one in the pet shop on O'Niels Street."
Mr. Byrne scratched his beard in puzzlement. As far as he knew, no pet shop existed in this town. He walked up O'Niels Street every day on his way to the office, and he could not recall ever seeing a pet shop.
"We'll see," he said, preparing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
"We'll ask Mam then," they said.
* * *
Mr. Byrne turned into O'Niels Street, taking his usual route to work.
There was an alley halfway down the street. He happened to glance into it. Two doors down he saw a sign: "Zarcalambar's Exotic Pets". He stopped in his tracks.
"That's odd," he said to himself. "The kids were right: there is a pet shop here."
Mr. Byrne looked at his watch. He was early. He decided he had enough time to investigate.
He ventured down to the shop. To his mild surprise, there was no window display, but a thick red velvet curtain completely drawn. He pressed it. Somewhere inside, an old-fashioned bell tolled...
...When nobody responded, he attempted to open the door, and to his surprise, it was open.
ReplyDeleteThe heavy, oak door creaked open and he peered inside. The walls were lined with metal cages and large glass containers, filled with amazing varieties of exotic animals that he had seen the likes of before.
He walked in and gazed at the magnificant creatures surrounding him, trapped in their prisons.
Somebody in a dressing gown and slippers shuffled into shop from a back door. It was an elderly man, with a halo of snow white hair sitting upon his round head.
"What are you doin' here?" the man said in harsh tone. "Can't ya read the sign? We're closed. Closed!"
Mr.Byrne looked slightly offended. "Oh... I'm sorry. I didn't notice a sign. I was just wondering if you had-"
"I said we're bloody closed!! Get out of here! Get out now!!" the elderly man screamed at Mr.Byrne lividly, taking off one of his dirty white slippers and throwing it at him.
The elderly man hobbled over to Mr.Byrne and pushed him roughly out of the door.
The mans last words were, "...and don't come back!" He then slammed the heavy door loudly, and Mr.Byrne heard him lock the door from the inside.
Mr.Byrne was frozen to the spot, not sure what to make of what had just happened.
He looked at his watch, and was very confused to see that it was the same time it had been before he went into the shop.
His watch wasn't broken... it was still ticking. He must have been in there for almost ten minutes.
He just dismissed the inconvenience and set off for work, trying to forget he had ever set foot in the shop.
^
ReplyDeleteSorry, Paul here... I posted the part of the story above but I'd forgotten to sign into the blog before I posted it, so the comment came up as anonymous.
Mr byrne waited a few seconds to see if anyone would answer. Eventually the door was pulled open and he was greeted by a small looking man in an emerald robe.
ReplyDeleteHe had crazy fluffy white hair, and a white beard, he also looked very old and wise.
There was a smile on the old mans face as he looked up at Mr byrne.
''Hello'' he said in a deep tired voice ''welcome to my shop...won't you come inside?'' the man stepped aside guesturing for him to enter.
Fasinated he walked in and was amazed by what he saw, all sorts of strange looking creates sat in cages, things like ; birds with fangs, large vicious looking cats, fish all colours imaginable and the one thing that stood out the most, a dog with what looked like...wings on its back.
Mr byrne walked over to its cage and stared at it. His children were right...there is such thing a flying dog!
''Does the animal interest you sir?'' the mans voice called out from across the room ''it is indeed one of a kind'' he added with a laugh.
Mr byrne turned to look at the man and said ''I must have that dog at once''
The man frowned and said''You see sir, it's not that simple....''
Thanks Paul and Ciara, who provided alternative scenes taking place in the shop.
ReplyDeleteWe'll discuss the merits and demerits of both today.
In the meantime here's a link to the
MS Word file of this "work-in-progress". This is formatted correctly for submission to a publisher, so you can use it as a template for your own story.
I've also saved it as a WordPad file. Far as I know (I never use the proggie) this will work okay but you'll have to do your own formatting: page size, margins, line spacing, etc.
But you'll have the complete text.
Hey all! I was actually going to do this on Friday, but I left my refill pad at school. So I write it today. It's basically what I wrote on the last day, but with a little more added.
ReplyDelete--
It was Tuesday evening, a full week since Mr. Byrne entered the bizzare pet shop. The children's birthday party was taking place at that moment. The cake was bought, the thirty children were running amock in the garden, the house was spotless...
“All that is needed is the puppy.” Mr. Byrne mumbled to himself as he walked his normal route home. The sight of the puppy had been in his head all week. He spent a lot of time deciding how to go about actually getting the present. Of course, he thought, they will love it, but what about Amy...? He stopped in his tracks as he noticed he was standing outside the pet shop. Realising there was no turning back, Mr. Byrne took a deep breath and slowly opened the old door.
“Welcome to Zarcalambar's Pet Shop, sir.” A voice called from the shadows, as Mr Byrne stepped inside. “Here, you will find normal animals that you would see in an ordinary house. However, there are also various creatures beyond your wildest imagination. If you so not believe me, then you have yet to experience life.” Mr. Byrne blinked in suprise. This wasn't how he was greeted last time, was it? Footsteps. Mr Byrne expected the old man, but instead, he saw a young man. His long dark hair was tied in a loose ponytail, with single strands falling down his oval face. His skin was like ivory, but his eyes were bright. Mr. Byrne quickly realised how striking the resmeblance between the old man and the younger one in front of him. The young man glared at Mr. Byrne, making Mr. Byrne shudder.
“My apologies sir!” The young man suddenly laughed. “I should have remembered! You're the one who wants 'him', don't you? I recognise you from last week.” Mr. Byrne's eyes widened. He didn't remember this man! However, the man contiuned. “My father is away on urgent business, and left me in charge. He told me you would arrive and purchase 'him'.”
“Arrive?” Mr. Byrne repeated. “And purchase who?”
“Him.” Was the reply. The man raised his left arm, turned on the light, and, to Mr. Byrne's fright, revealed the mess.
Many cages had been upturned, boxes ripped apart and the carpet was pulled and torn. Such a change from last week! In the middle of the room, chewing a bone, sat the winged puppy.
“He is quite a handful!” The man sighed. It was only then Mr. Byrne noticed how worn out the man actually was. “I must stress this, sir. If you indeed choose to take this puppy, this is what you'll be facing if little Puppy here loses something. Sadly, that is more often than you think.” Mr. Byrne gulped. The mere fact of getting a puppy would annoy his wife to no end, but if he causes a mess... But what about-
“However, placing him outside will be a disaster. This little puppy can fly, sir.” The young man sighed, as if reading Mr. Byrne's mind. “If he were to stay outside, he could well fly off and cause havoc elsewhere.” Mr. Byrne looked at the puppy with a hint of agitiation. However, as much as he hated to admit it, he had no choice. After all, it had taken him all day to sneak the kennel into the garage without Amy knowing!
“Nothing is perfect, is it?” Mr. Byrne asked slowly. “This is something I need to do. My children came into the shop last week before me and have their heart set on this puppy.” The man smiled weakly, before gesturing Mr. Byrne to a table.
“I understand. You aren't the first parent in this circumstance. However, before paying for the puppy, I will need you to read, fully understand, and sign this contract. Therefore, you will know and understand what you are undertaking and this store will not be held responsible for anything that happens to you or your family.” Mr. Byrne's eyes shot up at the man. He was exaggerating, he had to be! Slightly shaky, Mr. Byrne read the rules listed aloud...
Thank you, Aisling!
ReplyDeleteThis is working out well, isn't it? Who needs Anaverna when we have the blog? :0)
Like I said, I'm hoping people will use the blog to try out stuff they're working on. So feel free to submit your stories for, er, peer critique....
In the meantime, what about the puppy story? How do we take it further? Here's the scenario. We have houseproud Mrs Amy Byrne sharing her home with 30+ kids who are creating mayhem. Yuk, she thinks. Where's my husband?
Then the key turns in the front door and Mr Byrne comes in carrying a basket. There's the sound of barking. It's a puppy!
But does Mrs Byrne also hear the flutter/beating of wings?!
Mr Byrne opens the basket... and...
Okay, what happens next?
Hi everyone,
ReplyDeleteApologies for not coming here sooner! November was a bit manic due to NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) but I did complete the first 50,000 words of my work in progress, Over the Edge. Yay! December was spent catching up on all those homework assignments and school projects I'd fallen behind in during November. Whoops ;D
How's everyone gettting on in Life After Anaverna?
Will write soon,
Gráinne :)
Hi Gráinne,
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting. Wow, 50,000 words! That's brilliant. Only 450,000 to go.
Kidding :0)
What about sharing a chapter or two here? Can't hurt. I'd be very interested in seeing what you're up to and I'm sure the others would too.
"How's everyone getting on in Life After Anaverna?"
Jeeze, that sounds like Life After Alcatraz! It wasn't that bad, was it?
Anyhow, here's wishing you and all the others a really great and creative New Year!
:D Actually it might interest you to know that the whole story came about from the writing prompt you gave us, "I came to...". They're the first three words! It's not finished yet and unedited (that was difficult)but in the new year I'm going back to finish it off. I shudder to think, I didn't read any of it back as I was going along so who knows what state it's in?! I'll post some here as soon as I've got it sorted :)
ReplyDeleteLife after Anaverna! Life in the real world as opposed to the ones we made up ourselves :D
Happy New Year everyone!
Hi Gráinne,
ReplyDelete"Actually it might interest you to know that the whole story came about from the writing prompt you gave us, "I came to...". They're the first three words!"
LOL! This gladdens my heart more than you'll ever know. I'd hoped from the start that I could inspire talented young people like you to express your creativity.
Gráinne, you were the first to sign up for the course and your input during the sessions showed that you have what it takes to become a writer.
I don't say this lightly. You (and others reading this) will know that I don't suffer fools gladly. I believe that I give criticism where it's due. I'm not a teacher in the sense that you and the others are accustomed to. If something isn't right then I'll say so.
The path of the author is an exceedingly difficult one. Many try; few succeed. These are tough times for the writer starting out. You're up against the tat put out by "celebrities" that hog the bookshelves. It's hard to break through.
But good writing will always get there. (If I thought otherwise I'd give up tomorrow and return to advertising. Yuk!)
And you need to keep going. That's the real secret of what it takes to be an author. You got to believe in yourself and what you're doing. If your writing feels good for you then it is good. No one else but you can be the true judge of what you write.
Allow me to explain that further, Gráinne. If you've written a word, a sentence, a paragraph that doesn't "feel" right then you can bet your Communion money that it isn't right. You, and only you, are the best judge of your own writing.
Let's take this even further. Say you put words into the mouth of a character. Do those words sound right to you? Do they sound "hollow", unbelievable? If so, chances are they are wrong. If you as the author feel uncomfortable with them, how do you think your reader will feel?
You say:
"I shudder to think, I didn't read any of it back as I was going along so who knows what state it's in?!"
Hey, easy. You know what state it's in. Sorry to say this, girl, but you're the one who has to go back and read it.
Does it float your boat? Does it make you proud to have written it?
No? Then it's wrong, wrong, wronkety wrong. I repeat: You are the best judge of your writing. Only when your words give you that warm feeling of satisfaction do you know that those words are right.
Okay, I know I'm a hard guy to please. Reason being I have to contend with demanding agents and publishers. I know from personal experience that it ain't easy.
But Gráinne, you have real talent. Talent like yours doesn't come along too often. Let's see if we can nurture it (God, I hate that word!) and hammer it into the sort of shape that will have publishers panting.
Have a great 2010!
Thank you so much David, that really means a lot to me :D
ReplyDeleteI really hope that I can get this in good enough shape to send off to publishers some day. I read the first couple of pages just now and, well, let's just say I have a busy January ahead of me. It's okay, but like you said, a lot of it just doesn't feel right and I won't be happy with it until it does.
But this is what I really want to do and I knew when I started that if I wanted to get this off the ground I had to work at it. And I will. I have just over 50,000 words of an unfinished and unedited novel but it's still the furthest I've ever gotten with one story and I want to see it through to the end. Christopher Paolini got Eragon published when he was 17 and if he did it then why can't we?
I read somewhere once that persistance trumps talent. And in some things that holds true. But when I thought about it I realised that in writing, at least, you need more than just one or the other, or even both. You need a passion for it if you really want to write something that gets through to anyone. Persistance, talent, whatever. If you're not enjoying it there's no point in having either.
I'm not sure which I have, or whether I even have either of them but I know that I love writing and that this is what I want to do.
So maybe I'll get there and maybe I won't. But if I don't I'll keep writing anyway.
And yes, maybe this is all coming as a result of having just finished watching ET or maybe it's the box of Roses sitting on the table. Who knows? xD Anyway, have a happy new year!
Hi Gráinne,
ReplyDeleteA happy new year to you too!
However, before I go...
(There's always a "however", isn't there?)
"I really hope that I can get this in good enough shape to send off to publishers some day."
Girl, you should know that in that single sentence you've written TWO things that are, to a writer like myself, as a red rag to a bull.
1. "Hope". There's no such word when you're a writer. Hope is for wooses, losers. Writers don't understand hope. We're like Yoda the Hutt when somebody says "try":
"Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'"
Similarly, there is no "hope". Do or do not. But, Gráinne, I know that you will "do"!
2. "Some day". What a terrible phrase! What, will you have your book completed by the time you're 30?
"Some day" is likewise for losers. When I worked in advertising my creative teammate and I used to set ourselves deadlines. This was because our clients wanted their campaigns within, say, two weeks — or more.
Two weeks? We're talking about a couple of sketches and a headline or two here. Stuff that could be done in a matter of hours, not weeks.
And nine times out of ten my partner and I would have the work done days ahead of schedule. This was the magic of a self-imposed deadline.
I've carried this principle over into my writing. I always set myself a deadline for a book, very often an impossible one. But Gráinne, it works!
Try it. Promise your boyfriend, your best mate, your mother, whoever, that you're going to have your novel written by a certain date. You'll find that that focuses the mind.
We are weak beings; we require what the Dutch call "het stokje achter de deur", "the stick behind the door".
I recently completed a novel for teenagers. For this I set myself an impossible deadline. The book is done, and I love it! If I'd said to myself that it would be written "some day" I'd still be working on it ten years from now.
BTW, I couldn't have finished it if I hadn't been working so closely with you and the others at Anaverna. You inspired me, and gave me a wonderful insight into the fantasy world of the young adult, one that I would not otherwise have known.
So thank you, Gráinne, and of course any other members of the team who happen to be reading this.
Have a great year!
hi guys! my laptops working again! yay! is the story about the dog thingy still going?? i started another book and erased my wholeother one because i realised it was rubbish! lol! i thinki will probably post what i have done so far up here later! everyone seems to have been on! sorry i havnt :)
ReplyDelete